February 2012
2 posts
13 tags
Overeating and my Eating Disorder
Now that I’m in sort of a recovery zone, I realize that it was not the being fat part that scared me the most (although that did strike terror in me and I still have to fight thoughts that spiral in that direction), it was the not being able to control my eating. The massive massive eat-til-you’re-sick cravings that I had every day all the time. I ate so much so often that I gave...
15 tags
I used to read magazines...
When I was in middle school and high school, I began a tradition every August. When my family spent a week at the beach, I would buy all the teen magazines I could find and study them like a guide while I sat on a beach towel hoping to get even a little tan.
Back then, I went to a very poor religious private school and was used to khaki and navy pleated skirts and white polos. This was not the...
January 2012
1 post
It's 12:38 and this is how I feel.
Don’t fucking treat me like I’m this cute little innocent doll here to entertain you. I’m not who you fucking think I am. I may act how you expect, but I don’t know why…maybe because I’m terrified that you will not like me, that everyone will hate me, so I can’t step out of line or say anything less than sweet and that results in me getting walked all over...
December 2011
3 posts
Happy New Year to me...Looking back on the...
Not sure who this post is really for…mostly myself I guess. This will be long.
Looking at everyone’s “reflections on 2011” posts I can’t help but feel a little lost. I used to be this accomplishment whore who sought to do everything because there was never enough time. I felt like my life was a clock ticking down and I needed to do as much as possible or I would let...
10 tags
Filling and Low Calorie
Make your own soups. It’s so easy. I made a delicious vegetable soup today. Here’s what I did.
Sauteed onions and leeks Added chicken broth Added sliced cauliflower, broccoli, turnips, and spinach. Kept on high heat until soft Used immersion blender to blend into a thick broth Added salt, pepper, onion powder, garlic powder to taste.
Enjoyed! Took about 45 minutes to make, but I was...
22 tags
My eating disorder was actually...
a case of candida.
It amazes me now how I used to wonder if maybe something was actually physically wrong with me, when all I could ever think about was food. And I felt as though I couldn’t stop myself from eating. I couldn’t just do one cookie or one little bowl of ice cream, it would become a binge and I wouldn’t even feel satisfied after. I was always craving, always wanting...
November 2011
7 posts
13 tags
This year I resolve to trust God.
18 tags
What if traveling the world isn't enough?
When I was a sophomore in college, right after I got back from spending a semester abroad studying in England, I was bright and shiny and hopeful. Every day was filled with possibility and fun and excitement. Every day I looked forward to the effervescent TOMORROW where I would work hard and reach my goals triumphantly, creating new dreams in the process, all while changing lives and enjoying...
14 tags
THE BEST THINSPO I'VE EVER READ
http://undressedskeleton.tumblr.com
This beautiful girl is amazing. Read her story, look at her before and afters, and check out her millions of tips and recipes. She’s a girl who lost the weight the healthy way, which means she has KEPT it off, even while baking, cooking, and enjoying the food that many thinspo pushers fear to eat.
You don’t have to ruin your life to get healthy....
9 tags
So apparently my eating disorder is partially...
to an infection called candida which makes me crave sugar and carbs to no end.
Now that I’ve stopped eating sugar and empty carbs, my cravings are practically gone. I’m not thinking about food 24/7, or my next meal.
Amazing.
I am utterly tired
of giving a shit.
I no longer give a flying fuck.
nicoleinstages asked: i feel the same way :(
17 tags
It seems...
that so much of my life is a frenzy. How does it all blur past me before I even notice? A skin ripping, dish tossing, motor running, one foot in front of the other frenzy and I don’t notice until later that the skin of my face is shredded and an hour has gone by.
Another binge.
Another fit of tears.
Mild memories of days when I felt the world was my oyster.
What the hell is going on?
My...
October 2011
5 posts
11 tags
I think I may have figured this out...
Pray for me tumblr lovelies…I think I may have come to the root behind all my health problems of the last 8 months.
I’m trying not to hope too much.
I know I will get better regardless of what it is. I have faith.
More than ever I have learned to value my health.
16 tags
The evils of cupcakes
A sure way to make yourself obsessive? Label foods bad.
I haven’t had a cupcake in almost a year. For the last 3 months it’s been because of food sensitivities, but before that it was because I was so scared of the calories.
The restaurant I worked at sold mini cupcakes. I always desperately wanted one, but I wasn’t willing to spend the 300 calories that one was. I thought...
27 tags
The Problem with Using Thinspo
This is coming from a girl who used to have a very successful thinspo tumblr. I was a full supporter of it for a long time, and I looked down my nose at people who said “Thinspo is unhealthy!” thinking they just didn’t get it.
Yeah there’s the argument that thinspo is pretty warped, because it creates a world of unnatural people to compare with, people shot in the best...
mindlessendings-deactivated2011 asked: you are inspiring
13 tags
It happened in a blink...
and I’m not sure exactly when or how but suddenly I realized,
I am no longer numb.
Hi, I’m Elle, yesterday was my 21st birthday and my life is changing.
And even though my stomach still hurts, and even though my eating is still restricted,
I am healing.
Here’s ways why:
I no longer have to go to bed before midnight to function. I no longer need to nap after a meal. I no...
September 2011
5 posts
8 tags
It is hard...
to get used to eating normally.
I have been eating normally the past few days. Not normal foods, but normal portions.
And it is hard.
It is hard to deny the voice in my head that tells me that now I’m fat because I’m eating more. The disappointment I feel in myself. It is hard to make that go away.
This feels like a game of balance. Of learning to listen to my body. Of not...
7 tags
18 tags
intoxicationatitsfinest asked: I've been trying to get to around 115lbs by eating healthy and using myfitnesspal and by exercising about 4 times weekly, but it doesnt seem to be working. I feel like I am stuck at this point. My weight just goes up and down between 121, 122, 123, and 124 (even throughout a day it will change) and I cant get lower than that no matter how hard I try! I love your blog and it would mean a lot...
10 tags
FUCK IT
I’m in ireland and you know how much I wish I could eat the food here?
SO fucking much.
ENJOY life damn it.
STOP being so neurotic and enjoy it.
Food is community. Food is experience. Food is memories.
oh by the way, I’m skinny now. I still don’t feel like I am but I am. And no, my life isn’t awesomer now that I’m 15 pounds thinner. So there you go.
Enjoy...
August 2011
15 posts
13 tags
You will not attain perfection.
Our society is amazing, isn’t it? We take the people who look pretty and put them on these perfect pedestals and envy them and ask their advice and want to learn all about them, when we don’t even fucking know how their lives really are. Just because they’re attractive, we make them the life experts.
And we forget that each of these famous people has at least, AT LEAST one...
carpe-diem-bitch asked: I am happy for you. I often feel bad about the photos I post because I realized that or many people its the ideal they are looking for. I know they are just photos or even different body types that are near impossible to achieve. The collarbones people idealized used to make me stare at mines confuse. I always look bony because its my body type. I hope that you continue to get better. You should...
laceythekid asked: Do you add anything to your oatmeal? I'm one with a sweet tooth so I tend to add sugar and honey whenever I eat oatmeal! Should I try to stray away from this habit or is this not unusual? Thanks hun :) Your blog is so inspiring! xoxo
12 tags
“Instead of looking at thinspo, go out and change the world.
You will be...”
12 tags
I've stopped looking at thinspo.
I used to really support it. In fact this used to be a thinspo tumblr. But i realized that the more time I spent on it the more depressed I got. The more I focused on my thighs in comparison with some coked out baby doll pixie teenager photoshopped beyond recognition, the more I slipped into an altered reality where the most important thing was eating less to feel more powerful. To feel...
7 tags
Easiest way to lose weight?
Whole grains.
Make it your staple.
I’m talking brown rice, quinoa, cornmeal, and oatmeal.
Weight will drop off.
Add beans and vegetables.
You will be amazed.
Note: I have lost 8 pounds in the last 3 weeks without even trying from this diet and I have not worked out once. So this is from experience. I eat as much of these three things as I want and I rarely am hungry.
Eat healthy and...
23 tags
14 tags
Having health issues where I can't eat anything
has made me realize that damn. I wasted so much fucking time not eating good things. Now I can’t have them.
That fucking sucks.
Eat ice cream and enjoy it. Even better, eat custard or GELATO. Buy a candy bar one day and eat the whole thing. Have some mozzarella sticks. Eat bacon.
SAVOR chocolate.
Have a cupcake. Eat fro-yo loaded with toppings. Slurp some mac and cheese. Have a piece...
prettythinxx-deactivated2011082 asked: Is that really you singing...? You have an incredibly beautiful voice :) x
19 tags
Me singing Jessie’s song from Toy Story 2:...
15 tags
After Glee Project’s finale all I wanted to...
20 tags
Question Everything
One huge lesson I’ve learned throughout the last 6 months is this:
Not every thought that comes into your head is valid.
So that little voice that says
“You’re not going to get better”
or
“You look fatter”
or
“Your life sucks”
You know that voice? It’s wrong. In fact, it’s wrong a lot.
For the last year, happiness has been a...
15 tags
Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
I mean it.
That victim mentality will get you nowhere. I know because I’ve lived it.
Oh boo hoo I can’t have sugar. Oh wah I can’t eat gluten. Poor me, everyone gets ice cream and I get to just sit here. COMPLAIN WHINE COMPLAIN MOAN WHINE.
Whenever I start to get into that zone of mind, I have to stop myself and think:
HEY.
You can walk. That’s fucking awesome.
You...
11 tags
"You are seriously my biggest inspiration"
From Playtildawn. I don’t think I’m really deserving of the sentiment, but you made me smile this morning.
I haven’t been tumblring much over the last 6 months due to a focus on figuring out what’s wrong with me healthwise.
And I guess it’s a testament to how wonderfully faithful a group of followers I have because I’ve only lost about 150 or so followers and...
20 tags
thereluctantrawfoodist asked: I am not sure how I came not to be following you again .. Tumblr moment I guess. How are you doing? x
July 2011
4 posts
9 tags
wewillfloat-deactivated20111020 asked: This might be a little long winded, so I'm sorry in advance.
You're the reason I made a weight loss blog, your posts inspired me so much and I've been following you this whole time. I've wanted to ask for your help for a long time, but I was too embarrassed, now I'm desperate and scared.
I was ok for awhile, I did well, I felt good. I was doing everything...
You're the reason I made a weight loss blog, your posts inspired me so much and I've been following you this whole time. I've wanted to ask for your help for a long time, but I was too embarrassed, now I'm desperate and scared.
I was ok for awhile, I did well, I felt good. I was doing everything...
20 tags
Thoughts on Disordered Eating
As someone who has spent most of the last 4 years very close to the monster that is disordered eating and eating disorders, I have a few thoughts that I’d like to share with my 1000+ followers. I don’t have a lot of time at the moment so I’m just gonna share a little snapshot of what’s been on my mind today.
Looking back, the worst thing about disordered eating is how...
8 tags
You have to fight it.
I’m not kidding. You are in a war with your mind. You can’t just roll over and say “sorry I have this disease. I can’t get past this.” You have to train your mind not to let those thoughts overwhelm you. When you start to spiral, find someone you love and trust and lean on them. Think of 10 things you are thankful for. Speak them aloud. Go for a walk. Dance to a...
9 tags
Reblog if you think Ryan Murphy looks like John...
Tell me someone else was thinking this the entire time.
June 2011
2 posts
zuck-on-this asked: I completely agree with you...losing 7ish pounds was crazy...I was losing like 1.5 pounds a day...insano. I mean youre only supposed to lose like what? 2 pounds? What do you mean out take more than intake? Im confused.
zuck-on-this asked: So it's been about a week and a half now since we last talked. Since then I've lost 7-9 pounds. I saw how unhealthy it was so I tried to eat more calories each day and drink more water, but since then I've been stuck at the exact same weight for 4 days...I mean not even a single decimal change...What am I to do?
May 2011
62 posts
zuck-on-this asked: But I cant eat that much! I never starve myself...I eat enough. I feel fine though...ONly when I binge do I get to 1000cals. Let's ook at my regular day:
what i ate saturday:
bfast: 1 egg, slice of cheese, some onion, , bottle of water.
lunch: bratwurst thing
Dinner: salad thing...
what i ate saturday:
bfast: 1 egg, slice of cheese, some onion, , bottle of water.
lunch: bratwurst thing
Dinner: salad thing...
7 tags
You're not allowed to love the things I love.
Because that would mean we have stuff in common and how can we still have stuff in common when you’ve hurt me this much?
Make any sense?
zuck-on-this asked: Dropped a pant size too(: haha
things I did:
1.) No bread.
2.) Under 500cals a day
3.) No soda! No sugery drinks!
4.) Low carbs
5.) portion control
6.) 30 minutes of excersize a day
7.) resisting temptation
8.) had to spend the week wtih a family of not very thin people, giving inspiration not to be like the,
9.) found a...
things I did:
1.) No bread.
2.) Under 500cals a day
3.) No soda! No sugery drinks!
4.) Low carbs
5.) portion control
6.) 30 minutes of excersize a day
7.) resisting temptation
8.) had to spend the week wtih a family of not very thin people, giving inspiration not to be like the,
9.) found a...
zuck-on-this asked: Dressing: so fattening. I usually make salad with red wine vinegar. Any other suggestions? (vinegar is getting boring.)
zuck-on-this asked: Lost 3 pounds. thanks to you<3
20 tags
