It happened in a blink…
and I’m not sure exactly when or how but suddenly I realized,
I am no longer numb.
Hi, I’m Elle, yesterday was my 21st birthday and my life is changing.
And even though my stomach still hurts, and even though my eating is still restricted,
I am healing.
Here’s ways why:
I no longer have to go to bed before midnight to function.
I no longer need to nap after a meal.
I no longer need to sleep around 5 to have a good evening.
I can digest beans and fish.
I can digest potatoes.
I can digest meals that are bigger than a handful.
I can breathe deeply again.
I can walk up stairs and carry heavy things and still breathe.
and most importantly,
i like theatre again.
I may not be zany about it, or ready to pack up and move to New York, but I like it again. I desire to do it again. When I think about doing a musical, I smile rather than cringe.
That is huge.
I am not out of the woods. But I feel a small semblance of normalcy returning. And I have to hold onto that and believe in it with all my heart.
Happy birthday to me.
<3elle
