It seems…
that so much of my life is a frenzy. How does it all blur past me before I even notice? A skin ripping, dish tossing, motor running, one foot in front of the other frenzy and I don’t notice until later that the skin of my face is shredded and an hour has gone by.
Another binge.
Another fit of tears.
Mild memories of days when I felt the world was my oyster.
What the hell is going on?
My days are a countdown leading up to what? The moment I can get home and curl up in a blanket with a book or a movie or something to distract me from how numb I feel all the time.
These are not rose colored spectacles. These are something else.
I wish I was a normal thinker. A normal eater. A normal 21 year old.
But I feel very old right now. Not in the mature sense, or even in the octogenarian sense…just in the sense that I feel worn out.
I’m not tired. But I don’t really have energy.
I know I am merely existing.
I want so desperately to live.
