Overeating and my Eating Disorder
Now that I’m in sort of a recovery zone, I realize that it was not the being fat part that scared me the most (although that did strike terror in me and I still have to fight thoughts that spiral in that direction), it was the not being able to control my eating. The massive massive eat-til-you’re-sick cravings that I had every day all the time. I ate so much so often that I gave myself gastritis. And I knew that it was bad, but I couldn’t control it.
Now that I’ve cut out most sugar and grain, I feel a million times better. I’m not haunted by thoughts of food all day. I don’t have massive cravings that cause me to binge. My blood sugar doesn’t spike and dip, making me irritable and starving. Nope. I’m starting to feel normal.
And now I may weigh a little more than I did when I was full-blown eating disorder, but I find that I don’t mind so much. I don’t hate myself for eating too much, because I rarely do anymore. I never binge. I still eat what I want. And I exercise when I want. But if I don’t, I don’t hate myself. I don’t hurt myself. I just live, reminding myself that my body will even out to a weight that I’m comfortable at, and if I ever want to, I can lose excess weight by eating more healthily and exercising more steadily.
But it doesn’t stress me out. Amazing how that is.
